Plenty of us have been on the bench too
Many of us have coached at some point, often because our kid’s team needed someone. Some of us still do. And some of our kids now play for full-time coaches who aren’t parents on the team at all.
Wherever you’re standing, the same thing holds: the feedback that works best with kids is also the shortest.
What the research says, in plain terms
Two ideas keep coming up.
Kids stay motivated when they feel some control. One well-known model of the coach-athlete relationship found that when coaches explain the why, give choices and listen to how athletes feel, kids feel more capable and more connected to the team. That’s the kind of motivation that keeps them coming back.
Kids relax when effort counts as much as results. In a University of Washington study, coaches took one 75-minute workshop on praising effort and improvement. Over the season, their players got less anxious, while players with untrained coaches got more anxious. Fewer of their kids quit, too.
Six habits that make feedback stick
- One good thing, one thing to work on. Kids can only act on one thing at a time. Five corrections usually means none of them land.
- Say exactly what you saw. “Great job” doesn’t tell them much. “You looked up before you passed, and that gave you time” tells them what to do again.
- Praise what they can control. Effort, attitude, decisions and improvement are theirs. Size and results mostly aren’t.
- Tell them why. “Stay wide so the defence has to spread out” sticks better than “Stay wide.”
- Ask first. “What did you notice on that play?” gets them thinking, and you’ll find out what they already know.
- Compare them to themselves. “You’re way more confident than in September” beats any comparison to a teammate.
Making it work when you’re short on time
None of us have extra hours. A few things that help:
- Grab it in the moment. A two-line note right after practice beats the long write-up you never get to.
- Focus on a few kids each session. Watch four or five players closely each time instead of trying to track everyone.
- Use the same simple format. “Strength / work on / one drill to try” is fast to write and easy for families to read.
Keep it open
The Coaching Association of Canada’s Rule of Two asks that our interactions with athletes stay open and observable, with two responsible adults involved. For feedback, that means sharing it through the team’s channels or with parents included, never in private one-on-one messages. As parents, we’d expect the same for our own kids.
What to skip
- Feedback right after a tough loss. Everyone’s emotional. Wait for the next practice.
- Sarcasm or correcting kids in front of the team. Correct in private, praise in public.
- Only talking to the strongest players. Every kid on the roster should hear from you.
Player Vector was built by a sports parent to make this part easier: coaches record quick feedback during practices and games, and families get a clear summary. See how it works